Marriage in America

(inspired by a comment Erik made about divorce to his conservative family members)

Destroying the institution of marriage is hard work. Between work, eating, and sleeping, there are so few hours of the day to spend on the destruction of the "most important social relationship." So in the interests of time management, I think divorced Americans should step up to the plate and join gay Americans in destroying such a sacred institution.

Oh, wait, they've already done that! Marriage is "destroyed" because of divorce, not because gay people want to marry. That's like saying church attendance will be harmed by the people who want to go to church, not by the people who have decided to stop going to church.

I propose the following solution to protect marriage(and guarantee that there will be a Democrat in the White House in 08). Right now, it appears we have about five front-runners for president. Hillary, Barack, John Edwards, John McCain, and Rudy. With the help of John Edwards out on the campaign trail, Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama should propose a constitutional amendment banning divorce in America. We'll have to hire a shadowy figure, a democratic Karl Rove if you will, to get anti-divorce propositions in swing states like Ohio and Florida.

The Christian right, motivated by their morals and family values will vote to support this amendment and local anti-divorce initiatives. And, especially for the Catholics out there, as long as Giuliani or McCain is the nominee, and one of the above mentioned democrats is on the ballot, they'll have to vote for the democrat. Why? Well, Giuliani and McCain have both been divorced, while Hillary, Barack, and John Edwards, those crazy immoral liberals, are still on their first marriage. The right is motivated not by hate for gays, they are motivated by their commitment to family values. So, it makes sense that they wouldn't vote for a Republican who has contributed to the increasing divorce rate in America.

Now, maybe we should have compassion for these immoral Republicans? You know, hate the sin, not the sinner. Well, that may be all nice and good, but check out these statistics:

According the website www.divorcerate.org:
"The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%"

We cannot risk a NATIONAL NIGHTMARE if Giuliani (on his third wife) or McCain piss on their sacred oaths of marriage again while in office. We would certainly lose the war on terror if our president got a divorce while in office. The immorality of spawning a war which has killed thousands of innocent people is nothing compared to the destruction of marriage.

Giuliani is a Catholic. His only hope is that he has lived like "brother and sister" with his last two wives, as Pope Benedict has recently instructed Catholics they must do to continue going to mass. I certainly hope he is denied communion, as John Kerry was in 2004.

Or, maybe we should spend more time and energy working on real problems in this country. I hope the 2006 elections weren't just a flash in the pan, I hope it is a sign that Americans are waking up to the fact that Bush and his right-wing friends have spent the last 6 years distracting and dividing Americans over stupid issues that Bush values because that was the only way he could win elections.